


just hold me (i'm lonely)

by Underthegallowws



Series: at the crossroads (i'll hold your hand) [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: BUT ALSO KIND OF SATISFYING, I Am Sorry, I was in a mood, Inspired By Tumblr, M/M, MAJOR CHARACTER KIND OF DEATH, this is just weird
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:47:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26011372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Underthegallowws/pseuds/Underthegallowws
Summary: “This is Hell, right ? You’re there to torture me. We’ve done this before. I don’t want to talk about it. Just do whatever you…”“This isn’t Hell, Theo.”Her hand lands on his wrist, and her skin feels soft and warm against his.“What is it, then ?” He asks, struggling to breathe.“It’s a passage. Somewhere between reality, and what happens after. A sacred place between the two worlds.”
Relationships: Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken, Tara Raeken & Theo Raeken
Series: at the crossroads (i'll hold your hand) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1892104
Comments: 5
Kudos: 87





	just hold me (i'm lonely)

Theo didn’t plan on dying _again_.

He doesn’t even remember how it happened. He just knows that he was in pain, real physical pain, and then, dark had surrounded him.

And now, he is there. He recognizes Beacon Hill’s preserve, and the small bridge a few meters from him. The thing is, everything is bright. A little bit too much. The smell of the grass and the noises coming from the river overthrow him. He knows perfectly well where he is. He closes his eyes, for a second, wondering why his nightmare changed.

“Theo.”

And here she comes. Tara is here. He tries to collect himself, to prepare for what is coming. There is no escaping her, he has learnt from his previous trip in hell. Better let her ravage his heart again and again and again.

“Theo, open your eyes.”

Her voice is soft, almost sweet. It makes it even harder.

“Theo. _Please_.”

And he can’t refuse her, not after what he has done. Maybe this is what he has to face. Her eyes, her voice, her smell.

Her smell.

Her smell is nothing like it used to be, in Hell. It’s a mix of floral nuances, and something he can’t decipher, but it’s so hers, like she used to smell before all of this.

He opens his eyes, and she is there.

She is beautiful, her hair shining under the light that seems to glow all around him. Her face is full, and her eyes bright. She is wearing a white dress, and small shoes. She looks about his age, like she had the chance to grow up to become an adult.

And then, she smiles at him, a small smile, and her eyes are full of emotions.

“Look at you. You are all grown up. I never thought little T would become such a looker.”

Little T. She is calling him little T, just like she used to do when they went playing together. And it hurts, it hurts him way more than her trying to take his heart. Maybe he wouldn’t have felt so guilty back then, but right now…. Right now, Theo would rather pierce his chest himself to offer her his heart than listen to what she could have been.

“Please.” He whispers. “Take your heart.”

She frowns at that, before taking a few steps towards him, as light as a feather.

“What are you talking about ?”

He tries to swallow, but it feels like something is blocked in his throat. He looks at her, and the memory of her in Hell flashes in front of his eyes.

“This is Hell, right ? You’re there to torture me. We’ve done this before. I don’t want to talk about it. Just do whatever you…”

“This isn’t Hell, Theo.”

Her hand lands on his wrist, and her skin feels soft and warm against his.

“What is it, then ?” He asks, struggling to breathe.

“It’s a passage. Somewhere between reality, and what happens after. A sacred place between the two worlds.”

“Then why does it look like the Preserve ?”

She looks around, and arches an eyebrow.

“Does it ? I don’t really see it. It’s your place, after all.”

“That’s where I killed you”, he mutters, trying to avoid her eyes. “That’s where you died.”

“Interesting.”

She seats in front of him, and gestures for him to do the same. He suddenly feels tired, so wary, and his legs give out under him. He feels the soft grass around him, and Tara’s scent is overwhelming.

“Theo, look at me.”

He does, and she smiles, an honest-to-god-smile.

“It’s so good to see you. I’ve only caught glimpses throughout the years. I wished to speak to you so many times.”

“You tortured me.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“I was in Hell.”

“No, you weren’t.”

She seems so sure of herself, and she has that face, the one that makes her look so smart and witty. But her eyes are soft on him.

“You’ve never been in Hell, Theo. Hell is… Hell is something else. You were in a supernatural prison. A torture cell, in a way.”

“So Hell exists ?”

She shrugs.

“Kind of. It’s nothing like you imagine. It’s not… Life after death is not white or black. It’s more… You get what you deserve.”

He feels his own shoulders rise.

“I killed a lot of people.”

“You did.”

“I killed you.”

“Did you ?”

She looks interested now, and he wants to forget, he wants to be able to enjoy his sister being there, but the guilt is too much.

“I let you die.”

“That’s not killing me.”

“I could have saved you.”

“You could have.”

“Do you hate me ?”

Her laugh is… Her laugh is exactly the same as she used to have, crystalline and fond.

“No. I don’t. Would I be there if I did ?”

He swallows once more.

“I did a lot of bad things.”

“That you did.”

“I deserve to go to Hell.”

“Do you ?”

She is looking at the grass, playing with it, and under her small hand, a flower starts to grow. She smiles even more.

“Do you know this quote, from the Talmud ? _Whoever saves one life saves the world entire.”_

He has to laugh darkly at that.

“Saving one life doesn’t erase…”

“I’m not saying it does. I’m just saying that it counts.”

“I didn’t save anybody.”

“But you did.”

She takes the flower, and with care, puts it in her hair.

“You saved someone’s soul.”

“Who ?”

“I think you already know the answer to that.”

Theo looks around him, and the place looks so much peaceful that his mind starts to wander. He remembers the last months, the last years, the pain, but also, the successes.

When did he save someone ?

_Why do you keep trying to save me ?_

The scene is brought back by the words. He remembers how Liam looked at him, that time. And all the other times. At the zoo. At the hospital.

And everytime after that. Helping him get control over his emotions. Being next to him in another fight.

Oh, he remembers partly now. They were fighting side by side, at the school, when he… died.

“Liam”, he whispers, and Tara smiles even more if possible.

“The little beta.”

“Did I save him ?”

She rolls her eyes.

“Really Theo ? Did you… You saved his ass so many times, it’s not even funny anymore.”

“I didn’t try to.”

“Well, you did a pretty good job.”

“It doesn’t erase what I did before.”

“No, it doesn’t. But what counts is who you are today”, she explains, with gravity. “What counts is what you are ready to do now, what kind of person you were when you died.”

“So I’m dead ?”

She exhales, her face serious.

“Not yet. You are… In between worlds. You are at a crossroad.”

“So what happens now ?”

“You decide. You can go back to your world. With all the horror and the suffering. Or you can go on with me. It’s up to you.”

Theo takes his time to digest the information. It’s weird, because he thought he already died once. But now, letting the emotions and his senses take in the world in front of him, he understands he never came here before. Everything is so peaceful. There is no pain anymore. And his sister… His sister is here.

“Did you pardon me ?”

“For being manipulated ? Or for being an asshole ?”

He doesn’t answer. Instead, he looks at her face, trying to memorize every feature. Even if her tone was a little bit harsh, she doesn’t seem really angry.

“Relax, Theo.” She finally says, reaching for his hand. “Yes, you were instrumental in my death. But you were manipulated. Then, you hurt a lot of people. Killed some more. And, oh, you manipulated everyone. But then, you were punished for it. And when you were offered a chance to redeem yourself, you seized it.”

“I didn’t … I just wanted a pack. That’s why I did _good_.”

“But you did more than that, right ? You made sure Liam was safe, even when Scott would not have blamed you for his death. I know you did. I saw things, Theo. Though I was not here most of the time, I saw things every time you thought about me. And you thought about me a lot.”

“How can you be so… okay with this ?”

She looks at him, for a long time. Then, she whispers.

“I had time to come into terms with it. And you are still my little brother. You’ve suffered a lot. I don’t think me holding a grudge would make you feel worse.”

“No. In fact, you being so nice about it is worse.”

“Good. I wouldn’t want you to forget about any of it.”

“Not going to happen.”

She smiles again, cheeky and happy.

“It’s really good to see you, at least.”

“It’s good to see you too”, he answers, his voice strained by the emotions. “I… I am sorry.”

“I know.”

“Is there any way…”

“No Theo. I’m dead. I have been for a long time. But I’m okay. I get to follow our parents. I get to follow you. I see things, I hear things. It’s a good way to be.”

The way she seems to read his thoughts before he has time to actually articulate them is so Tara’s that he has to smile. He takes her hand, and plays with her fingers.

“So, how did I died ?”

“You’re not totally dead yet. But you got hurt by a crossbow.”

“A hunter then.”

“Probably.”

“Are they trying to bring me back ?” He asks, tension in his voice. The idea that anyone would care enough to fight for his life is quite unbelievable.

Tara leans her head on the side, and looks at him with amusement.

“You wouldn’t be there if they didn’t.”

“Do you see them ?”

She only nods once, and her smile becomes a little bit sad.

“Yeah. Your little beta is currently doing CPR. Well, he is trying at least. He is also calling you a series of names I better not repeat.”

And Theo can imagine Liam, in his mind, trying to revive him while insulting him. The image brings a smile to his face.

“That sounds true.”

“Because it is.” She looks at him, and her face goes from fond to serious. “You like him, don’t you ?”

And Theo wants to say no, wants to deny any feeling he could have towards Liam. But this place is so special, and he has his sister with him. For once in his life, he is safe from any consequences. So, he takes his time, before answering.

“He is special.”

“He keeps you on your toes.”

“He is terrible.” Theo comments, and it’s like a dam has just broken. Words are coming to him so easily. “He is a hot-headed idiot who has no value for a good plan, or his own life. He is more dangerous to himself than to other people.”

“And you like him”, she repeats softly. “You like him and you’re terrified of it.”

“I don’t…”

“You’re terrified to let someone into your heart. I felt it. I saw it. Every single time someone has gotten closer to you, you made sure you were in control. And you can’t control him, can you ?”

Theo’s throat is so tightened that he can’t answer. He doesn’t have to. Tara is looking at him with her particular “know-it-all” look, and it’s enough. She seems to look for the right words, before continuing.

“You can’t control him, and you can’t control the damage he could do to you, emotionally. But Theo… You’re longing for it, and if you keep ignoring it, or god help us, if you try pushing him away, you might close up for good. There might not be another chance. Time is running, little T.”

“We are friends”, he succeeds in commenting, but she raises her eyes to the sky.

“Yeah. Normal friends. Totally. It’s not like I got a snippet of you sleeping next to him. Well, more precisely, looking at him sleep, which would be creepy if it weren’t so sad.”

“I can’t…”

But there is a noise, that sounds like thunder, and suddenly, Tara is on her feet, her face sobered.

“We don’t have much time left. Theo, you have to make a choice.”

“I don’t know… How am I supposed to ?”

“You have a choice. You can come with me, and god knows how I’ve missed you, but I don’t want you to chose because of me. Because there’s still a life waiting for you down there. There is still a chance for you to be happy. But it comes with all the pain, and the horror of living. You’re the only one who can choose.”

Theo stays silent for a moment. Then, he raises on his feet.

“Theo…”

“Is he still trying to resuscitate me ?”

Tara’s face breaks in a small sad smile.

“Hasn’t stopped yet. It’s been twelve minutes.”

“I feel like it has been longer.”

“Time is a very peculiar thing.”

She comes closer to him, and her hand floats near his chest, like she is hesitating.

“Can I ?”

He doesn’t answer, only taking her hand, and laying it down on his heart. Their heart. Her eyes closes, and Theo takes another whiff of her scent. He doesn’t want to forget. He looks at her, so beautiful and happy, and he wants to go with her so badly. But whether he wants it or not, his choice was taken from him a long time ago.

“Don’t let my heart go to waste”, she whispers, her eyes still closed.

She knows. He doesn’t have to tell her.

“I won’t.”

“I’m serious Theo. Whatever you feel, you better open up really soon because he won’t wait for you much longer.”

“I’ll do my best.”

Thunder can be heard again, closer this time. The light around them seems to dim.

“See you another time, little T.”

She hugs him, and he only has a second to hug her back, before he is sent back to his body, gasping for air, a blunt pain all over his abdomen.

It smells like chimera blood, and tears, and Liam, who is still trying to contain the bleeding. But underneath it all, he can still capture the scent of flowers, like she left him with another piece of herself. And it’s painful, and awful, and he knows he is going to take so long to heal, but he also feel almost at peace. Because he is the one who chose to came back.

He chose life.

Now, he only has to face it. 

**Author's Note:**

> I know this work picture a very forgiving Tara. Do I think she would pardon Theo ? I am not sure. But I wanted her to be soft, and happy. So it's a particular take on her, and on their relationship. Please don't hate me for it.  
> Love always.  
> M.


End file.
